That Time I Felt Like a "Real" Groomer

  It's a dreary day here today.  Warm but a consistent drizzle so I'm having a lazy day drinking coffee and getting all my things together I will need for Pet Quest which is coming up in a two weeks but Facebook has got me thinking about another show. 

  In years past, last weekend would have been the NDGAA's GroomFest.  I only got to attend the last year, when it was held in Virginia, but that show will forever hold a place in my heart.  It was the first time I ever felt like a "Real" groomer.

  I wasn't born into grooming, I never did 4H or Junior Showmanship, We never really owned a dog until I was about 9 and even then their grooming only ever consisted of maybe hosing them off in the tub or backyard with a hose. I fell in love with grooming accidentally; it was never a natural road for me to take.

  So I started off my first 8 years or so of grooming feeling like I was just winging it.  I'd go to shows and see these impossibly beautiful grooms, come home and produce this:

Not An actual Bichon 

  It's not bad.  It's not great either.  Nice pet trims was my wheelhouse; I had people surrounding me telling me that I did beautiful work, that I was great.... But I wanted more from and for myself, I knew my grooms weren't "right". I knew they could be better, I just didn't have the tools to achieve it.

At the time I worked for corporate, the atmosphere and policies were very different and I was discouraged by both management and my co workers from competing.  The logic was they did not go so why should I.  They tried and failed and I would too.

  I am here to tell you, if you want it, do it.  Maybe you fall in love like I did, maybe you decide it isn't for you...  but don't ever let someone else's experiences discourage you from trying something out for yourself.  It took me leaving corporate to finally be brave enough to grow on my own but you can grow anywhere if you nurture yourself.

  So fast forward to June 2014 this is my fifth show in Entry/ Div C., and I've had a lot of success in those shows...  I've placed in 3 of the last 4, and had started my certification process with NDGAA, and was by the time of GroomFest, a Non Sporting NCG. I owned my salon, and it just won Philly's Hot List top honors.  Some would say I'm on fire but I spent most of the time feeling like a fraud.

  I always wore the "corporate groomer" chip on my shoulder.  If you've never been a corporate groomer it's a hard feeling to explain, but sometimes other groomers can make you feel less than.  That just because you started at corporate, or work at corporate, you aren't a real groomer.  That corporate groomers are the cause of all dog injuries, the reason groomers aren't licensed or why the industry is not taken seriously.

It is never a direct insult as much as it is stated as a hurtful stereotype, and it is unequivocally untrue.  Yes, many people that should not be groomers pick up their first pair of clippers in a corporate salon, (or at a school, or a private shop too) but just as many groomers that are amazing and talented and passionate work corporate.  This sentiment was far more prevalent a few years ago, before the corporations started putting together their own competitive teams, but still lingers whenever "people who shouldn't groom" are brought up.

 As I had said earlier in the post, prior to GroomFest 2014, I had placed in almost every show I entered.  The one I did not place in was Intergroom 2014.  I spent the majority of that weekend a crying mess, hungry, tired, in way too many competition classes with dogs that had way too much hair. 

  So here I am, in the poodle competition ring at GroomFest, I had just won third place in sporting in the morning, and passed my sporting certification practical on Harold, a setter, but just barely and it had been all that I thought of while grooming my poodle, thinking what a fake I was.

  I had had so much early success that I had not yet learned to shake off the disappointments, and I carried a lot of the anxiety that I felt at Intergroom to Virginia that many weeks later.  I was growing my talent like a weed, pursuing every educational opportunity,  and basically taking my career from 0 to 80mph in 30 seconds still feeling like a total failure.  A couple of small road bumps and I was in the mind frame that my grooms were never good enough, that I didn't know what I was doing, and was starting to succumb to the voices in my head that were telling me I should pack it all in and give up now.

And then this happened:

I won honorable mention in poodles.  Yes I had already won "real placements", but poodles... poodle class is something else.  To place in poodles, or to even be considered... well you have won in the biggest most competitive class there is (at some shows it can be close to 40 competitors in the ring). Poodles take all the elements of grooming you need to achieve; balance, symmetry, style, and finish and elevate it to the next level.

  Over my almost 6 years of competing I have only placed in poodles two times, won this award of merit, and made the cut 3 other times.  This was my first recognition in poodles, and in that moment it lifted me back up.  Truth be told it's probably why I think so highly of placements in poodles.... I wasn't in consideration for 3rd of 5 people and "got close enough",  I was considered for 3rd out of  around 20 poodles and my effort couldn't be ignored... It shut the voices up and made my heart swell, because I also got to share the honor with a woman I had gotten very close to over the previous year.

Jay would later ask if I was really that upset; I told him the truth, this ribbon meant the world to me.  It still does.  Most of my trophies and plaques are in storage right now, but this ribbon, it hangs proudly on my wall, right next to my favorite "win" photo of all time.

That ribbon, this moment, it saved me from myself. 

From giving into my fears and anxieties, from giving up something that has for half a decade brought a lot of laughs, meaning, and friendships into my life.  I can't imagine where I'd be today without grooming competitions and the friends I have made through them and I'm glad I don't have to.

That First Time I Felt Invisible

Anyone that has ever spent a lot of time with me usually realizes one of the best words to describe me is intense.  I have an insatiable drive to do whatever it is I have decided to do.

  It has taken many forms over the years; Dance, Running, Flyball, Football, and for the last six years grooming competitions.  Having drive and ambition and being passionate are all wonderful qualities, I see them as positives in myself as well as others.  But it can also lead to an emotional rollercoaster...  I have left the ring in tears as often as I have left the ring smiling.  

The first time I cried after a competition was the Rescue Rodeo I mentioned in the previous post.  I'm not proud I cried, and I'm a little embarrassed that my breakdown happened in front of Lindsey Dicken, Val P., and Nicole, but it happened and it is part of my history.

 So why did I cry? Well.. I spent 3 hours carefully brushing out, saving a ton of hair, and putting a pretty damn decent groom on a scared shelter dog....  Only to not be considered for placement in the top 10 while 3 short haired dogs were....  Including a hairless Chinese crested.

The Before and After, again. (I know I was a f*ckin rock star lol)

  When I didn't place and the short haired ones did, I couldn't help myself.  I was devastated.  Yes I was a new competitor, and it's a "fun contest" but the criteria set was that the class was supposed to be judged on transformation. 

And I worked My butt off in that ring.  It is one of only four times in six years of competing I felt "robbed", compounded by the fact that people said to me as I left the ring, "I can't believe it" and "What happened?". 

Seriously, nothing makes you feel lower then when you feel like you should have placed and so does everyone around you. 

 One, because you worked really hard and you were really proud.  Two because it also sort of feels like one is being a spoiled brat having a pity party (at least I feel bratty).

  It's a tough line to walk being a gracious loser and a driven individual.  It's even tougher to have a lot of self worth, and also feel like you are invisible.

  I felt invisible that day.  Truly, significantly, deeply invisible.  I wish I could say it was the only time.  I feel that way often; I've never been good at saying look at me, look at me, because I have never truly felt "ready".  But I am.  I am a good groomer, better than good, and you, reader, probably are too.  It's tough being good and driven; it never feels like you are enough, even when it is way more than good enough.

Heck, I've felt really invisible lately actually, currently people are sharing cherished memories on Facebook thanks to a meme, and it has not gone unnoticed to me the absence of some of my favorite people having anything to say under mine (so stupid I know).  But more importantly, I've seen people gain opportunities that I have dreamed about for years, and it makes me feel like I'm not seen or valued by anyone "important".  It has made me question what I am doing wrong, and fills me with self doubt.  It can be gut wrenching.

  I don't have any great answer to not feeling invisible from time to time... we all have insecurities and it is easy for them to manifest into jealousy. But both of those feelings are the antithesis to drive...  they can cold hard stop a person in their tracks....

But then, I've learned, that sometimes I have to make my own victories;  To take all that doubt, insecurity and negative feelings and turn them into fuel for positives. I celebrated at Atlanta this year, not a placement, but that my spray up finally stayed up and all my wiggies stayed in. At Tacoma my fellow competitors paid me some sincere compliments and I was overwhelmed.  It meant so much they will never know...

Even today, one of the coolest people I ever met in real life shared something I wrote, and my friends that I shared my feelings with understood and didn't make me feel bad for feeling disappointed, and even my boss told me that I have so much to give and all of that made me feel a little better. 

It gives me the energy to keep on going... Because driven people, we don't really know how to stop.  And no matter how invisible any person feels they're not;  There is someone out there that wants to be just like you.  No matter what stage of a career you are in.

So tomorrow I'm going to wake up and I'm going to celebrate all the small victories.  I will not wallow in my insecurities. I'm going to continue to "Bake until perfect" as my good friend put it.  I'm going to clap for other's small and large victories, even if they are ones I coveted, and let them know I am there and that I see them. 

I'm going to go for a casual run and burn off my left over stress and anxiety.  I will look at beautiful pictures of dogs, hopefully teach someone something and work on my own things.  I will choose to stay driven, because I am not invisible, and neither are any of you. 

  Keep shining, I see you <3

That Time I decided It Was Time

  This is the first post and typically you'd expect a Hi, hey there this is who I am this is what I do... I put that on the About Me page so we can get to the good part.  The Why I began...

  Why do I drive hundreds of miles in vehicles packed to the gills with dogs, coolers, kennels and tools.... Why do I sleep on the side of the road at truck stops and rest stops and eat questionable food?

  I decided one day it was time.

  I began my career at PetSmart and had googled one or another thing while I was in academy and had stumbled upon the answer on The Groomer's Lounge, www.groomers.net.  Facebook really wasn't a thing yet, most groomers belonged to one or many of the "online chat rooms". The "GL" was with me from almost the first day of my career; the ladies there helped me early on, answering any questions I had about grooming, and offered critiques of any grooms I posted.  

  That first December I was grooming, the GL held an essay contest. The grand prize was an all expenses paid trip to the Atlanta Pet Fair.  I thought why not give it a go and  I wrote an essay about why I became a groomer. 

  I didn't win the top prize, but I did win a special secondary prize, a weekend class pass.  So I went, and I met the girls from the lounge in person for the first time; I even roomed with one. 

I honestly didn't watch much of the competitions.  Maybe just judging and awards, instead I attended the classes and the parties, Stayed up way too late, and ate way too many crab legs at Spondivits.

But that first show sealed grooming shows in my heart forever.  I have attended Atlanta Pet Fair every year since; and so it's no wonder it is where I first thought about competing.

One of The Many Shenanigans we got into over the Years at APF

  One of the most prominent members on the Groomer's Lounge was Nicole Kallish.  Nicole helped me early on with so many of my newbie questions, and was just like the coolest person ever in real life.  Laid back, and a straight shooter, and she knew everyone at the shows.  One year at Atlanta Ann Stafford decided they were going to do a class called "Rescue Rodeo".  50 contestants, 10 prizes, everyone grooming a random shelter dog.  It was an amazing never been done before thing, and Nicole entered.

Nicole ended up with this cute little Westie and placed third or fifth, but her transformation was beautiful, and even though it was just a shelter dog, it was in my eyes just the greatest westie clip ever and I told her I wanted to do that one day.

 So eventually I did...

My First Rescue Round- Up, I wanted to adopt this guy but it wasn't meant to be

I was hooked (on Competing and Bichons), a month later I actually brought home my first Bichon , and in the fall of 2013, at Hershey Groom Expo I entered my first real competition... and the rest... well, we'll get to that.