Running was the thing that cleared my mind and helped me focus. I have not ran a race since September 2016. I have not ran consistently since before I moved to Indiana, where I had the car accident.
I ran a dozen or so times since that accident, but some ghost pains would make me stop... My sacrum clicking, shoulder blade freezing, sudden neck spasm, or one or both hips and I'd feel it for days.
Today is warm and sunny and I can hear the wind rustling through the barren trees. Today I'm going to try again.
Before I am even out of bed my ankles are cracking and back is sending out dull waves of ache, a combination of old injuries and more recent lethargy, paired with the dogs not caring about how I sleep.
My AC joint will give a dull spasm of pain in my left shoulder, my right shoulder blade feels hard and inflexible.
My nervous system says rest; my brain interprets the pain and gives a million reason to not; but my heart yearns.
I don't know how far I'll go. Or where it will lead me, but I know watching others, strangers and friends, it makes me yearn.
I won't be magically fast when I go. I wont be able to cover 13.1 miles with relative ease and then go do a waitressing shift like I could before. Today I will be starting over.
And that's okay. It doesn't matter the steps or distance or time. It matters that I'm going to start. I may not run again after today until the spring (I equally hate the cold and treadmills), but life is full of starts and stops (and this blog). Sometimes it takes a few tries to get in the groove and find consistency.
The key is to listen to your heart, not your brain. The brain's job is to keep the body living. The Heart is there to make us feel alive.
Take as many starts as it takes, and "Run your Race", Even if that Run has nothing to do with actually running.
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